i guess i am realli too stress le ba .... all kind of stuffs keep running through my mind da whole day ... i realli can't take it man .... pro E restest is on tis wed ... and yet during da lesson today i spend 2 hours doing one qns ... i think da lecturer is quite worry abt mi ba ... i am worry abt myself too .... but i just dun know y i can't do .... i dun wanna remodule my proE!!!! pls let mi at least get a 40 for my retest ... pls ....
have been having a terrible headache da whole day ... even now ... i guess da onli time i am nt feelin anything is when i watch superband ba ... i realli like band a lot ... i think their music could make mi high and release myself for a few mins ... lolz ...
now i thn finally realise y some ppl would have the courage to die .... last time i keep sayin ppl stupid of commiting sucide now thn i finally understand wat makes them do so .... cause ... i did have tis feeling and courage ... when u feel tat u're on da edge of despair and hopeless , living in a world of probs without solutions , having no goals in your life anymore , hopeless and no confidence in everything u do ... your entire mind and body would give u tat courage to do tat ... and tat's wat i am feelin ....
but i wun die so early ... cause i still gt a lot of words tat i heaven say out, things tat i heaven do and most importantly answers to my qns still nt found ... maybe when i have done all tis le , thn i will find a spot where nobody knows and kill myself ba ...
i am realli scared and worried abt my upcoming exams .... i am afraid tat i can't make it tis time round ... i am realli damn scared ... i wanna make get my diploma within 3 yrs nt 3 and a half yrs or more .... NO WAY !!
i realli have no motivation in anything le ... how i wish i could run away from all tis ... but how .... now even mi myself also dun know wat i am thinkin , wat am i doin .... i can feel tat my heart and soul r nt connected ... i am just turning round and round without any progress .... wat da hell have i done to make myself turn tis way ... tis totally wasn't mi .... wasn't ....
having probs wif friends and nt much click and stuffs da talk to realli makes mi feeling so terrible .... i also dun know how da explain abt tis ... just wanna let it out in my blog so tat i could leave some of my troubles here .... lolz ...
ya ... i know i think too much .. maybe tat's realli wat i am made up of ba ... i also dun know how could i stop tis bad habit of mine ... i realli wanna stop it ... i just wanna think da way normal ppl did ....
i just wanna be a normal guy hu is simple and pure ....
lights off .... Zzz...